I’m sure that you were just as amazed as the Snurch team was when we found out that shooting old tires, golf balls and mud didn’t stop the gigantic oil leak.  Who would have thought that this well devised plan of shooting garbage into a gaping hole in the earth wasn’t going to work? I mean that was our first idea and it sounded too awesome to fail.  Anyway, an insider who we shall call “Special Agent Frankie the K”, found a list of other ideas that BP was and possibly still is planning on using:

I guess they weren’t lying when they said they had the brightest minds in the world working on this problem.  Personally, we here at Snurch, believe a combination of giant spitballs and monkey poop should do the trick.